The Problem with Interracial Dating

AdobeStock_77311499.jpegI bet that title caught you off guard, huh? You’re probably asking yourself, why is there a problem with interracial dating? Well, allow me to answer that for you. There isn’t. There is absolutely nothing wrong with love across the color lines…unless you make it a problem.

For the black community, interracial dating is almost always seen as black and white. There has always been a negative stigma attached to black men dating white women. For some, historically, white women have been the reason many black men were killed during slavery and Jim Crow days. Rape was always used as a crux when white men and white women wanted to commit racial violence against black men.

And just in case, someone wants to accuse me of lying, I have proof; here, here, here, and here. And before someone brings up Brian Banks and black women lying on black men when it comes to rape, historically, that isn’t the case. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened; I’m saying it doesn’t have the same historical context. For some black women, black folk in general, it left a bad taste in our mouths. Dating, sexing, or loving a white woman used to be a death sentence for black men. Quiet as kept, sometimes it still is. But let’s get back to the topic at hand, shall we?

Loads of people, black men and some white women mostly, think black women have a problem with interracial dating because white women are “taking our men.” Surprisingly, many black women have no issue with interracial dating at all. For many black women, the problem with interracial dating arises when black men date across the color lines AND then take it upon themselves to reach back to trash black women.

If you have to give me a whole APA style essay on why you don’t date black women, as a black man, because of some stereotypical drivel, you’re really doing yourself and your significant other a disservice. It further proves, that the problem isn’t black women, it’s you. I’ve never understood the need for black men to try to justify their reasons for dating across color lines. It makes, and has always made, absolutely no sense to me.

I’ve always been under the notion that as long as I was happy with whatever decision I’d made for my personal life, then what others thought didn’t matter. I’ve never needed anyone’s acceptance or approval for who I dated and/or loved. So why any black man has ever felt the need to justify his reason for dating white, Asian, or any other woman by throwing black women under the bus is beyond me. Have you ever noticed, that black men who like white women never tell why they like white women? Have you noticed that they only tell why they don’t like Black women? Why is that?

Go to Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Youtube or any other social media platform and you will come across these kinds of black men. And it’s not just black males who spew this nonsense. Find any white or Latina woman who has fallen into the mindset of the men they date, and you will hear them regurgitate the same garbage the black men they are dating spews. It’s as if black men like this are intentionally trying to antagonize black women. It’s as if they get off on seeing some of us angry. Why is that?

I wish black men, and non-black women who’re dating these kinds of black men, would stop the madness. Stop tainting something that should be beautiful with your anti-black woman hate. It is because of you that some black women frown when they see a black man with a white woman. It is because of you that black women tend to not want to support black men who are married to non-black women.

Love is a beautiful thing and while my love, when it comes to men, tends to come in color, for some, love knows no race, creed, ethnicity, or color. Newsflash, that is perfectly okay. True love will take you to heights you never could have imagined. True love is not founded in hate for your own kind. True love will allow you to love non-black women while not hating or disparaging black women. So, ask yourself, is it true love? Or are you still mad because black girls thought you were ugly in middle school?

Nikki Michelle is an author and writer. Pick up a copy of her latest book Bi-Satisfied. Connect with Nikki on @NikkiMichelle84. Leave your thoughts below on this article.

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